Cold Hands

Ever since,
every time my hands get cold and pale
nanay used to hold my hands

So, every time nanay’s hands get cold,
I learned to do the same.

Months ago,
Exactly during the cold rainy night of August
We were in a place surrounded by wonderland of clean sterile environment that smells strongly like cheap disinfectant

It was midnight,

I sat on one of the two chairs beside the bed

I noticed something, she doesn’t look okay.
nanay’s hands got so cold.

Soooo cold that it made everyone
come rushing into her room.

My hands were cold.

I was not frightened nor I was afraid.

What I felt was beyond mere nouns.

I froze for a moment.

What went wrong??
I tried to hold her hands
for a few seconds,
for a few minutes,
for almost an hour
but that night was different,
nanay’s hand stayed cold for a long time.

that night,
I realized that her hands can get even colder.
and that night,
I realized that
I’ll never again,
feel nanay’s warmth.

I miss my grandma.