Excerpt Entry #1 : Goodbye

“She was light and sunshine. Every room she walked into light up like nothing I’d ever seen before. She smiled at everyone, talked and laughed” he choked on the words blurring on the paper in front of him.

“She was one of a kind. Always trying to the good in everyone around her, even if they gave her reasons not to”, he wiped away a tear on the back of his too new suit.”But I guess she never saw what everyone else did. She was fighting a darkness inside her no one could see. She was a mess but still managed to smile for us”

Her mother sobs in the front pew, her father holding her tightly, trying to keep her together. “But even though she was a fighter. This was one fight she couldn’t do forever”, his voice shakes as he looks over the coffin. “I’ll always remember her, I’ll always love her, and I hope that she isn’t in the dark anymore”


Hi everyone! Let’s bring light for the people who are suffering in darkness. Let us be there for them and listen to their silent cries.

Bothersome

I do not trust

whole hearted love

As soon as someone savvy just

how shattered you are

They either command to heed

happy again

Or they relinquish you entirely.

I wish someone could love me

at my worst

But it turned out

My agony is just too

bothersome for them.

Summer on November

Summer came, you felt it.

The soft light breaking through the trees, illuminating the dusty earth. Pollen floating in the wind. Warmth surrounds you, but doesn’t suffocate. You remember the old things you used to love that aren’t as old as other old things.  But it will be once you know it. You will miss it. Other times a bird swimming through the sunlight catches your eye. You’ll always love that thing you miss.

But in the summer, you miss it more. Some things can’t come with you, only memories remain. Fallen leaves can’t grow again on their tree. But it’s not a bitter taste, its one of love, of appreciation. You don’t love it like you used to but you don’t love it less, only differently. You know, like an old friend, you can always visit it. Like leaves, they come again.

Same tree.

Different leaves.

 


Sari Not Sorry Art from Sari Shryack

TO THE BULLIES AND THE BULLIED

TO THE BULLIES AND THE BULLIED

Have you ever experienced being bullied? Yes? It sucks right. No? Well, let me tell you then how it feels like. Ready? Brace yourself as you go into that kind of world.

Let’s start then.

It’s hard waking up feeling worthless and waste of space, wanting to go back to bed again and sleep forever because you know you need to because the world doesn’t like you. The terror of the thought of going to school knowing they will just laugh and tell something you would not like to hear, you want to say something but you’re afraid to make it worse. You’ll eat alone at lunch, you know there were people who pity you and want to sit beside you but they can’t, they can’t because they’re afraid to be a victim too.

Life is hard from the perspective of a bullied person. You won’t be able to fall asleep because you’re thinking too much and trying to piece together what must be wrong with you. You’re just there laying on your back, staring at the ceiling, hearing the monotonous sound of the clock. You always keep on thinking how will you force yourself to go to school the next day? How will you face everyone? And how will you going to deal with the pain — the kind of pain that’s empty, the kind of making you feel like you’re the most fragile glass in the world, the kind of pain that hurts you physically, emotionally, and mentally; taking away your life from you. Leaving a million furious suns burning your  chest.

It’s hard to hear “I hate to see you. You ruined my day.” whether they’re joking or not. You will wonder how could these bullies utter such the sharpest thing that will kill you — WORDS. It will forever haunt you , it will forever be dipped in your flesh and bones, embedding scars. It is a cage that you won’t be able to go out to.

but there’s this one thing,

if you will not let yourself be eaten by the monster, seek the light. you always seek the light, you are miserably searching for the light and then you will see it but it seems to be too far away, too impossible to reach. And your adventure starts, you will walk, run, climb, and crawl. You will still encounter these bullies and they will again stab you with sharp words, you will bleed, you will become weak and you will doubt yourself but you will learn how to ignore them for your focus is to be near that light. And until you reached that light, all the trials, all the stabs, all the wounds and everything will be just a scar that when you will look at it, you will remember where have you been (in hell); it will remind you how the cruel world made you a STRONGER PERSON.

How Do I Begin? Again?!

Fed the prisons
these chains hold us down
into sand and dust
every part broke
How Do I Begin?
Again?

Flowing through these veins
invasive pain that I never wanted
and never asked for.
How Do I Begin?
Again??

Into the sand and dust
is this my worth?
my value?
every part broken.
How Do I Begin?
Again?!?!

 


a poem written by me while attending the seminar
PHOTOGRAPHY BY IAN TEH

Ocean Blues

There this was this period in my life not too long ago in which I would go the beach almost every other day because its summer, its vacation and I have time. After our morning jog, it was fun to just say “Let’s go to the beach!” and just walk there and just collect shells or run from the tide.

I miss the beach, I always miss listening to its symphonic monotonous tone, the soft sand, the wind that seemed to glide with the beat and the crashing waves that make me feel that I can yell and no one can hear me. With the sea, you can cry and it just fades into the roar of the waves because it’s close to infinity as we can get.

Now that I’m stuck in school and home, I can’t steal time from my schedule and certain things give me the most nostalgia of the ocean whenever I encounter poems and stories or see a painting of an ocean. Or when I’m close to a pool in some places I go and I smell the chemicals, I get really sad and nostalgic. The sea felt like home than anything else in this world.

I want my ashes thrown in the ocean so that when ever my loved ones visit my grave and are reminded of what I used to be, they are staring at a beautiful blue sea.

J.