Cold Hands

Ever since,
every time my hands get cold and pale
nanay used to hold my hands

So, every time nanay’s hands get cold,
I learned to do the same.

Months ago,
Exactly during the cold rainy night of August
We were in a place surrounded by wonderland of clean sterile environment that smells strongly like cheap disinfectant

It was midnight,

I sat on one of the two chairs beside the bed

I noticed something, she doesn’t look okay.
nanay’s hands got so cold.

Soooo cold that it made everyone
come rushing into her room.

My hands were cold.

I was not frightened nor I was afraid.

What I felt was beyond mere nouns.

I froze for a moment.

What went wrong??
I tried to hold her hands
for a few seconds,
for a few minutes,
for almost an hour
but that night was different,
nanay’s hand stayed cold for a long time.

that night,
I realized that her hands can get even colder.
and that night,
I realized that
I’ll never again,
feel nanay’s warmth.

I miss my grandma.

We could die, anytime

At any given moment, we could die.

There could be an accident, a crash, the whole word could explode.

The worst part would not be dying

it would be

dying with the regret and saying

“I wish I did that…”

Live your life to the fullest!

Skeleton in the Closet

Let me tell you a secret.

It doesn’t matter how bad you think you are at something. There’s always going to be someone who loves what you create. In the same breath, it doesn’t matter how good you think you at something.

There’s always going to be someone who hates what you create. You don’t need to be everyone’s cup of tea. Everytime you pick up that pen or that brush or whatever it is, you’re improving. There’s no way for you to get worse.

So there’s no absolute point in quitting.

If you’re in it to please everyone.

You might be doing something wrong.

And I kept drinking …

“I kept drinking because it was the only time I felt alive. I kept drinking because I needed to stop thinking of jumping off the edge. I wanted to drown myself in something other than the melancholy feeling that surrounded me. I kept drinking to forget about the scars that covered my body, sometimes I think there’s more scar than skin. I kept drinking because sometimes I didn’t want to feel alive, I wanted numbness. I want to feel numb and blurry all over.”

#Excerpt

I.

Somehow

I write to an audience that doesn’t reply (but I always keep receiving reviews which is really overwhelming). I don’t get much shares or reblogs. But I like the idea that people read them regardless.

It’s okay if you don’t post that button, but I hope my writings give impact to someone, whether good or bad, it’s good to know that someone out there was moved by my words.

I just want to make you feel the spectrum of emotions.

Wish

If I could wish upon a star

I’d wish to be taken somewhere far

Away from people who pretend to care

Away from people who want to love but don’t care

If I were to find a four leaf clover

I’d wish to start this life all over

Rewrite my mistakes of the past

Rewrite mistakes I learned to regret so fast

But all I have are broken mirrors

and innocent black cats

A mind full of antique memories and old acts

An empty space with no love to share

And people,

People who pretend to care