Cold Hands

Ever since,
every time my hands get cold and pale
nanay used to hold my hands

So, every time nanay’s hands get cold,
I learned to do the same.

Months ago,
Exactly during the cold rainy night of August
We were in a place surrounded by wonderland of clean sterile environment that smells strongly like cheap disinfectant

It was midnight,

I sat on one of the two chairs beside the bed

I noticed something, she doesn’t look okay.
nanay’s hands got so cold.

Soooo cold that it made everyone
come rushing into her room.

My hands were cold.

I was not frightened nor I was afraid.

What I felt was beyond mere nouns.

I froze for a moment.

What went wrong??
I tried to hold her hands
for a few seconds,
for a few minutes,
for almost an hour
but that night was different,
nanay’s hand stayed cold for a long time.

that night,
I realized that her hands can get even colder.
and that night,
I realized that
I’ll never again,
feel nanay’s warmth.

I miss my grandma.


  1. Da allora,
    ogni volta che le mie mani si raffreddano,
    Nanay mi tiene per mano
    Così, quando le mani di Nanay si raffreddano,
    ho imparato a fare lo stesso.
    7 mesi fa,
    in una fredda e piovosa notte di agosto
    in ospedale,
    le mani di Nanay sono diventate così fredde.
    Così fredde che ha fatto
    accorrere tutti a nella sua stanza
    Ero così spaventata.
    Mi bloccai per un momento.
    Cosa è andato storto??
    Ho provato a tenere le mani
    per alcuni secondi,
    per pochi minuti,
    per quasi un’ora
    ma quella notte era diversa,
    la mano di Nanay rimase fredda per molto tempo.
    quella notte,
    ho capito che le sue mani possono diventare ancora più fredde.
    e quella notte,
    mi resi conto che non
    avrei mai più, sentito il calore di Nanay.
    Mi manca mia nonna.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. “nanay’s hand stayed cold for a long time.” and “I realized that her hands can get even colder.” These two lines broke me. Very beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 4 people

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  4. Yes. Thank you for sharing this very intimate time. Life is bittersweet. We are taught that over and over, and sometimes the lessons are overwhelming. But in the bitter lies the sweet and in the sweet lies the bitter. The oldest story of acceptance there is.
    Bows to you,

    Liked by 2 people

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